Hola!
Or whatever. Hullo kiddies! My name is Patti Boyd- Harrison-Clapton and I will start by talking about my favorite subject. Myself. I love my name. Tee hee hee. Because, just in case anyone had any doubts about who I've been married to, you'll find out in my name! Isn't that so clever of me?! I was thinking about changing it to Patti Boyd-Harrison-Clapton-Lennon-McCartney-Starr-Hendrix-Morrison-Presley. But, all those dead people's wives wouldn't let me. Blue meanies. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah! Myself! Don't you all LOVE my smile? Take a look:
Get jealous much? Oh, and that is George Harrison. I married him. Did you know that? I am a model. I model. That's what I do. Do you want to see an interview with me? You do?! Are you nodding or shaking your head? Oh well! Here is an interview with me!
Reporter: Good morning Patti! Nice to have you!
Patti: I know.
Reporter: What do you do in your spare time?
Patti: Talk about myself. And stare in the mirror. At myself.
Reporter: What is your philosophy on life?
Patti: Next question please.
Reporter: Okay, what is your philoshophy on life?
Patti: FINE! BE RUDE! Um, be a model, meet a hot Beatle on the set of a fab movie, marry them. Dump them for their best mate.
Reporter: See, that wasn't so hard, was it?
Patti: I wish you would shut up.
Reporter: What is your favourite Beatles song?
Patti: I call it Arthur. I like that one.
Reporter: Oh, okay. Who's your favourite Beatle? I think this answer will be obvious, but just to check.
Patti: You're right. That question is stupid. It's sad how stupid that is. My favourite Beatle? Mick Jagger. Duh.
Reporter: I believe he's a Rolling Stone.
Patti: Well I BELIEVE you're WRONG! Stones do not roll. They tumble.
Reporter: Do you have any brothers or sisters?
Patti: I like cheese.
Reporter: Oh. Okay. What is the best part of being a model?
Patti: *Stares off into space.*
Reporter: Hello? *Snaps fingers in front of Patti's face.*
Patti: WHAT?! I'M HERE! GAWD! I like being a model! You get to meet rich rock stars and marry them. And marry more rich rock stars. And more. And more. And more. And-
Reporter: Okay! Well, that will be all for today's interview. Thank you Patti. It was a pleasure having you.
Patti: The pleasure was all yours. Why are you so fat? Your hair sucks. I did George's hair you know. Mwah ha ha ha ha.
Reporter: Did you just call me FAT?! I'm pregnat!
Patti: Eww!! Ga-ross! Did I studder?! FATTY?!
Reporter: Oh no you didn't!
Patti: You wanna make sumethin' outta it?! I can take you, fool!
Okay,like, ouch! That article made me look really bad. Like,I just talked all ghetto on her because I felt like it. And, she had a case of the blue meanies. Tsk tsk. I shouldn't have posted that one. It makes me look all bad and all that jazz. Like,and besides! I got my hair all messy in that process because when I was, like, yelling at her, my attractive bun fell out of place! Hullo? It's not like I benefited from this. Like, my hair! Well, kiddies. That's all for now. I feel like looking at myself in the mirror again. Must run. Ta-ra!
